Recommended Video: First Impressions: Exposure to Violence and a Child’s Developing Brain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brVOYtNMmKk
Fear
Flight, fight or freeze. Because children are smaller, they typically freeze, so people think there is no response and the children are fine.
Anxiety
Children can begin to develop anxiety, which will impact their whole life. Male children who witness family violence are more likely to be abusive to their female partner. Female children are more likely to enter into a relationship where they are abused.
Depression
Depressed children often have behaviour problems. The school might start to complain about how they are. Their behaviour changes. They might become moody. They have physical complaints, like headaches and stomach aches.
Violence
Children and adolescents can become aggressive and fight more. They can often become violent towards themselves too, and engage in risky behaviors or cut themselves.
Anger
Children who are angry often lose the capacity to learn and experience other emotions. Children need to feel all emotions and learn to manage them in a healthy manner.
Substance Abuse
Adolescents might start to seek relief in negative peer groups and drugs or alcohol.
Shame
The children may begin to lie about what is happening in their home out of shame. This prevents them from having open and honest relationships with peers, which impairs their ability to have open honest adult relationships.
Mental Illness
Some children develop severe mental illnesses.
Over Responsibility
Some children become rigid and over controlled. Rigid, over controlled children sometimes develop anorexia.
Regression
Some children act younger than they are, maybe because they need to be comforted because of the distress about the violence in the home. They may use baby talk, wet the bed, or soil themselves.
Potential Impact at Different Ages
| KEY ASPECTS OF DEVELOPMENT | POTENTIAL IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE |
| Infants and Toddlers
Take in information from the world around them through their senses.
Form secure attachments.
Become more active explorers of their world and learn through play.
Learn about social interaction and relationships from what they hear and observe in their families |
ð Loud noises and vivid visual images associated with violence can be distressing.
ð Parents may not be able to consistently respond to the infant’s needs which may negatively affect the parent-child bond.
ð Fear and instability may hinder exploration and play; imitating in play may be related to witnessed aggression.
ð Learn about aggression in observed interactions |
| Preschoolers
Learn how to express aggression and anger, as well as other emotions, in appropriate ways.
Think in self-focused ways.
Form ideas about gender roles based on social messages.
Increased physical independence (dressing self, etc.). |
ð Learn unhealthy ways of expressing anger and aggression; possibly confused by conflicting messages (e.g., what I see vs. what I’m told).
ð May attribute violence to something they have done.
ð Learn gender roles associated with violence and victimization.
ð Instability may prevent independence; may see regressive behaviors (i.e. bedwetting, sucking thumb, baby talk). |
| KEY ASPECTS OF DEVELOPMENT | POTENTIAL IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE |
| School-aged Children (6 to 11 years)
Increased emotional awareness of self and others.
Increased complexity in thinking about right and wrong; emphasis on fairness and intent.
Academic and social success at school has primary impact on self-concept.
Increased same sex identification.
|
ð More awareness of own reactions to violence at home and of impact on others (e.g., concerns about mother’s safety, father being charged).
ð Possibly more susceptible to adopting excuses to justify violence (e.g., alcohol causes violence; victim deserved abuse).
ð Ability to learn may be decreased due to impact of violence (e.g., distracted); may miss positive statements or selectively hear only negatives or induce negative feedback.
ð May learn gender roles associated with intimate partner abuse (e.g., males as perpetrators – females as victims).
|
Adapted from http://www.lfcc.on.ca/ece-us.PDF
Talking to Your Children When There has been Violence in the Home
- Talk about it when they are ready. Offer to discuss the abuse whenever they are ready, or answer their questions.
- Listen to them without interrupting.
- Talk about their feelings.
- Show understanding and empathy.
- Tell them it’s not their fault.
- Tell them you love them.
- Tell them you will try and keep them safe and intend to act in a way that is safe for everyone.
- Let them know that violence is never okay.
- Talk about how hard it must be to talk about it right now.
- Always act in a way that is not violent or abusive with your children.
- Take them for counselling if needed.
- If your child acts violently, talk about it right away. Set limits and discuss ow confusing this must be.
- Be patient – it might take a while for your child to respond.
- Take care of yourself and manage your own guilt and regret.
Based on Helping Children Who Witness Domestic Violence: A Guide for Parents (Instructor’s Manual) by Meg Crager and Lily Anderson. (1997)
How YOUR Denial Impacts Your Children
- Violence/abuse appears “normal”
- Your child may be afraid to talk about the abuse because it seems okay to everyone else.
- Your child may not understand what is happening and experience confusion.
- Children usually blame themselves
- Because no on talks about what is happening, children learn to deny their own thoughts and feelings. They do not learn how to discuss and resolve important things.
- Children may feel crazy
- They may feel lonely and isolated from their friends
Based on Helping Children Who Witness Domestic Violence: A Guide for Parents (Instructor’s Manual) by Meg Crager and Lily Anderson. (1997)